Takes just 1 person to make you smile again!

I want to share with you a message I received on facebook from a friend who read my blog:

Oh Sarah, I have just read your blog and think most of us probably know this feeling. The weight issue is a blimmin nightmare! Have you ever "made a decision" o just stand still with your weight? It's like just being on maintenance fr a few months. Not trying to lose but just stay the same. I have seen the recent photo's of you, and you look totally gorgeous. You've successfully qualified as a Social Worker (no easy feat) you have your own funded home, a bevvy of equally lovely friends, a family that love you! That spells out a very successful person so far! and your no where near 30 !! The type of blokes that like the "skinny, model,thick, self absorbed, needy,high maintenance" girls , are equally as stupid, needy and self absorbed. They often see these girls as trophy's, and do you know what Sarah in 5-10 years when they have had the babies, the money runs out for high maintenance upkeep they look rough - and it makes me laugh! I have seen this first hand - having been feeling exactly like you 20 years ago!! I wish I knew then what I know now. And that is no consolation for you right now I know!! However, think about what kinda guy would you be interested in? someone, intelligent, with aspirations, hopes and dreams, good career prospects, some ne who would be a lovely Daddy, so please when your being critical of your lovely self, look at the positives, think about weight only being a part of you - but never let it be what and who you are about! Raise your standard on the guys and think about the qualities your looking for - those guys are never the gobshites and look further than the packaging. You will meet someone very lovely maybe have a little glimpse in different places!! Remember your a very successful young lady, gorgeous, clever and witty and emotional fuckwits won't get it because they can't process information properly!! (that last bit was just me being nasty) !!! lots of love to you xxxx"

I know some amazing people - it's enough to make me smile! From ear to ear! Chin up and carry on!

Getting to that fed up stage where I really can't be £$+??!!*

I am totally and utterly fed up, once again, by the way I look and the way I feel as a result. I am fed up watching T.V and seeing beautiful but genuinely really stupid people get romance, excitement, fun, adventure, praise...for WHAT!? For being stupid and shallow but with a great body!?

Take embarrassing bodied per exampleur, Dr Hunky was in Ibiza doing free STD tests on the beach (well in a tent...not like right there on the beach...) and the general attitudes of these girls and guys...O.M.G!
Now, I am in NO WAY a prude, and I enjoy a good holiday one-nighter as much of the rest of them, and yes, I am fully aware that these idiots will be playing up a little to the cameras. The reason I got annoyed was because I could not take me eyes off of them, and I am talking about the girls.

My friends are settling down, having babies, living with boyfriends or falling away. I feel like I am at a really delicate phase in my life and I don't have special people to share it with. I understand that there is an element of moving on, growing up. And I know that I have moved far away from my friends...

I don't know what's going on with me right now. I just feel so lost.

I hate the fat...hate it. But what I do know is that my body size or shape doesn't affect my friendships, or my personality - not completely. I know that my perception of my body is hugely influenced by the world I live in, the media atrocity that is modern UK society. Stupid shows like Take Me Out, The Love Machine...have you seen those girls. They are even worse than celebs and glam models, because they are real. They are real life breathing girls who are walking down a main street near you. How do you compete with that?

I just don't know if my heads in the weight-watchers game anymore. I eat things I know I shouldn't, I feel guilty all the time, I think about food ALL the time. I just don't know where my mojo or willpower has gone recently :((

"Working" from home...aka NO FIREWALL

which means I get a chance to quickly chat to you lovely people before I reeeeeally need to do some actual work!

Lost a cheeky pound this week, as you may or may not know. I am looking for a loss again this week (this can be a rarity for my weird body clock) and have made the very grown up decision to not drink this weekend. I am trying to cut down to every other weekend, as the excitement of working Monday-Friday wears off a little. But it is SO hard - I used to listen to the radio on a Friday and think "what's the deal, I'm working all weekend, this isn't exciting", But now; NOW, it's totally different! I am luvin' the Friday feeling, which for me is usually accompanied by a cheeky cider :p

On track food wise as well, just discovered 2 Rivita wholewheat crisp breads are still 1pp :D and with that chocolate philly...O.M.G.

So this week the plan is more of the same. I've been cooking and freezing and writing the pps at the time so I should be able to stay on track this weekend. ESP as I am not trekking off anywhere fancy (except to Greenock to get my hair cut and see my wee Granda) so I KNOW what I am eating (for a change).

Can you feel that? Its the ZONE! 11st here I come, with gusto!

A Cheeky Chocolate Bar and A Cheeky Pound Off!

Well this week I tried to refocus, even if only a little. I didn't put pressure on myself to track everyday or be super back in the plan, but I did challenge myself to do a bit more exercise and try to stay in moderate control.

And it worked, as I sit tonight eating my celebratory bar of chocolate (fairtrade of course) I find myself 1lb lighter and a cheeky smile on my face.

As my WWer friend Saff said, being too hard on yourself can mean you lose sight of goal, you forget the good work so far and you can revert back. Instead, draw a line in the sand, turn and walk away from that line and never look back.

I am just 3lbs away from my 10% - 3 giant pounds that I am determined to loss and never find!

Heads back in it, foods frozen for the week, and my zumba wii belt is left out to keep me motivated.

My plan this week is to pick 2-5 of the WORST photos of me EVER! and stick them up on my kitchen cupboards, and pick 2-5 of my best photos, ones that make me feel amazing about who I am, and stick them on my mirrors! Positive Mental Attitude! Next week I am aiming for another whole pound!

Fed up with being Fed up!

First of all - hello!! Excuse my absence ladies and gents, I was (as mnay of you know) moving into a place of my own. So now I am in, along with internet, and back on the grid!

If only I hadn't packed my weight loss mojo away in a box marked handle with care. I haven't managed to back into the swing of things at all since I lost esource etc for a while, and I am struggling to unpack that box.

I am, at this point in time, a bit fed up with life.

I am fed up eating despite knowing I shouldn't.

I am fed up being annoyed at myself for it!

I am fed up with being let down, mostly by myself.

Long story short - I am fed up!!

I looked back at a diary entry almost a year - so full of hope and desire to change for life. Fast forward a year and yes I have lost 1 stone. But I am no where near goal, I still smoke, I am not doing regular exercise and I have absolutely no excuses now! I buy my food, cook it and eat. I made pasta tonight - enough for 2, maybe 3 portions....planning on freezing some and I ate the lot - how terrible is that!!

The support on here is amazing, but this is a personal issue - one which only I can sort out! And until I am in the zone, it won't happen,

I'm fed up being fed up...but then only I can change that!!

Come on Conway....things NEED to change!