6 weeks holiday count down..

Yes, its 6 weeks until another beach holiday. A beach I have known that I am going on for almost 12 weeks. And whilst my manfriend turns himself into a Greek god, dropping weight like it was the easiest thing in the world and now moving training onto muscle build...

He is soo going to leave me!

No, he won't really. I've manipulated him enough when he had low self esteem he's infatuated. So I know that I am safe. But, as much as I love the manfriend, and I do, I find myself at times quite angry that he is able to just loss.

Last week at the meetings Christine was talking about saboteurs, and how sometimes we ourselves are saboteurs of other people's healthy changes, sometimes because we feel we are not doing so well, and it kind of makes us feel better. Although this is not a nice thought, I'd put my hand up and say I've done it.

My weight loss is crap, I am not focused on the plan, and despite the manfriend sabotaging my plan every weekend, as I do to his, probably because we want an excuse to blow out, he continues to lose, and I continue to yoyoyoyo.

I have been reasonably good this week. Stayed on filling and healthy plan for pretty much the whole week. But I am not inspired, I am not enjoying it. I cooked two new dishes this week. A Sunday roast (actually manfriend put it in the oven...but I came up with the idea) and made from scratch spaghetti Bolognese with whole meal pasta. I've had porridge, houmous, and very little rubbish (3 mini magnums over two days, and about 10 vodkas over 2 nights...wow I sound like a jake).

But I have tracked, every morsel, every single thing...and yes I went over the 49 weeklies with my treats, but I had enough activity points to still be ok. - we'll see what the scales bring tomorrow.

I don't feel like I am losing weight, I don't really know what to do at all to be honest. I know the exercise is doing me good, and I know I need to step it up a bit. Its so hard working full time, having a full on social schedule, and do exercise over on top. I just feel stuck.

This may not just be a reflection on the diet. I really don't want to feel fat on yet another frikkin holiday. I have 6 weeks and that is enough to effect real change. There is a motivational quote which says "fed up of starting over, stop giving up!" that is my problem. Every week I feel I am saying "opps f'd up this week, but lets start over", "opps another naughty weekend (not in that way - minds oot the gutter please) but its ok Tuesday is a fresh start". Then I look back at the 8 weeks I've been on weight watchers and I haven't even lost my first half stone. That's a weekly loss of under a pound a week. boo.

I am enjoying getting fitter, I am feeling the benefits. Its keeping me off fags too (10 weeks!!). I think I just like food too much....shit!

Flling and Healthy Feedback, London and the desire to compete

Well. A wee unexpected loss of 1.5lbs bringing me back upto a grand total of 4lbs off. How depressing when I am like 8 weeks in.

However, given the food and drink I consumed in my weekend away with the manfriend I've no idea how I lost at all. One thing I can say for Londoners - you lot are well fed. I probably had some of the most beautiful food I have ever had in my life this weekend. Wild Boar Burgers with Chorizo with home cut chips....Real Italian Ravioli...the most amazing Chinese curry (in Chinatown) and a Mediterranean feast which I cannot even begin to describe it was so amazing!! (if you have never had baklava...have it...with skoosy cream...its amazing!!!!)

Yes we walked for miles (even did a wee 30min gym stint on the Saturday morning) and to be honest everything from the waist down hurt by Saturday we had walked so much!! (yes walked...get your minds out of the gutter...this is a public blog!) So I am wondering if maybe my wee body is a week behind on the scales...which means I am set for a gain next weigh in...but we'll see. I'll stay as on track as humanly possible this week and hopefully offset the balance.

This week I am staying on filling and healthy because I truly think it has potential for me. I need to track, because portion control is an issue pour moi, however where I tend to fall flat is at the weekends. I am usually at manfriends or eating out so F&H would be really useful for these occasions, would de-stress me as I don't need to cart up scales and books as well as a weekend worth of clothes etc, AND manfriend can have the list. Here is the list manfriend...go cook and don't worry about how much of what is in it!!!

So to get my head properly around it I am going to do it for a whole week and see how I get on. If it goes well my plan is to track Mon-Thurs and do F&H Fri-Sun. I think this might give me the flexibility I need over the weekends to keep me on track and then Monday/Tuesday does not become a salvage mission comparable to raising the Titanic!

I bought a new journal. Its a fresh start. And I have exactly, exactly, 8 weeks until my holidays....is 1lb a week too much to ask? A wee half a stone off would make my summer. I'll still feel bigger than what I'd like, but I'd certainly feel better than what I do now!

Its teambeachbody.com over the next 8 weeks I will be on track, I will exercise 6days of 7 and I will try to incorporate F&H into my routines! I am going to give WWers 110% for 8 weeks (2 months - it is nothing really) and if I can genuinely look at those 8 weeks, of 100% effort, and don't have the results, then I am leaving for the last time. Because even I am fed up with my moaning :)

Lets go F&H! Its on!

Motivation...

Kinda ironic I suppose. A blog about motivation which has taken me 6 days to write.

At the class on Tuesday our amazing leader had collated all the before and after photographs of members from her classes. There was hundreds of members, and the losses were unreal: 70, 80, 90, some over 100lbs off! Suddenly my measly couple of stone don't seem the mountain that they once did.

Christine asked us about motivation. She talked about the members who photographs we were shown, talked about their motivations as well as her own. Christine explained that for her she needs the motivation of instant results, to see and feel different as quickly as possible. For some of the other gold members, it was feelings, or auditory feedback from other people, it could be reading, the success stories...it was touching - books, the calculator, the tools.

When I came back from class I got my laptop out, launched the blogger and literally got writers block. What was my motivation....?

Thing is motivation is the thing I lack in weight loss. I stick it out for a while, look a bit, fit in my clothes a bit better, and then get complacent, or have a crazy week, or feel as though I can't really be bothered any more. This was not an instant blog, I needed to seriously think about what my motivation is...and I obviously needed to, because I am stagnating one again.

When I think about it... I have ever motivation under the sun. I have a beach holiday booked in ten weeks time, I have a manfriend who is a particularly healthy individual who would love nothing more than to go to the gym together, I am 6 weeks into my stop smoking journey and totally in control. I am the happiest, and most in control of my life as I have ever been, what more motivation do I actually need!!

So I thought about it, reflected on it. I am a blogger, and that is all about feelings...but its observations of feelings, reflection on them and then simply writing them down.

I started to run over my blog, reading and rereading the blogs, and I began to see a common theme, literally to SEE.

Photographs, hundreds of photographs. Some of them I hate, badly taken and fat looking, some of them I love, because I had lost the weight. Even though I talk about how I feel, how I think the same points kept coming up again and again...the way I look. I need to look good, to feel good. The days I put on my clothes, look in the mirror and like what I see, those are the days I track, plan and stay in control. The days I put on my clothes and look fat, I eat, I don't exercise, I can't be bothered.

For me the motivation is visual. And unfortunately things do not happen fast enough for me to see changes, and that is what I need to stay motivated. I need to see the difference.

So to encourage me further I have ordered THE size 12 dress which is not going to disappear in the bottom of the cupboard but hang out until the day I look good in it. I am going to redo all the photos where I look good and pin them around the house to keep my motivation levels up, instead of fat ones which bring me down. I am also going to take more measurements because in the last 5 weeks I have actually lost 4.5inches...so even though I may not be losing on the scales the difference is there.

I still need to mull this over, because I need to think about how I can keep my motivation high. Which I suppose half the battle is finding out my motivation, which thanks to Christine, and my blogs, I just did!