If you don't like something; change it

If you don't like something; change it. If you can't change it; change your attitude. - Maya Angelou

 Recently I have been going through a lot of change. Much of this change I talk about here on my blog, some of it I don't. I don't mind being honest with people, and I am probably more open about personal issues than most - posting it out onto the virtual world on a semi-regular basis. However, there are some things that go on in my life that I do keep private, or that only a select few know, and that is not so much  because I care about others knowing, but because of the other people involved in those scenarios, and the privacy that they deserve.

Recently, to be honest for several months now, I have not been myself. I have been angry, unstable at times, flash tempered (right, all you people saying that is me being myself...stop it). I have had thoughts, ugly thoughts, and I became at times rather low. There has been a lot of recent stress in my life, moving house, moving job, and these stressors have put stress on other aspects of my life too; including my relationships.


For the last month or so however I have been taking positive steps to try and self heal these issues. I feel now, finally, that these steps are converging into a more positive mind set, and I am beginning to feel...well...much more like my old self. I can feel my comfort levels increasing, my personality is shining through, and my confidence is gaining. Part of this positive self healing process has included eating more healthily and exercising regularly. Exercise is the cheapest, most effective anti-depressant, and it is the most under used. It helps build positive chemical balances in the brain, creates feelings of fulfilment, achievement and happiness, and it allows your physical health to improve as well. Increased circulation, oxygen and blood flow reduces aches and pains, builds the immune system and improves posture and stability, all of which have a positive impact on the mind.

What's been interesting though, is that as my positive changes have came through I've began to change my appearance. That need to reflect what is on the inside to the world becomes so strong. I mean, I know I am still working towards my body image goals, but I feel myself caring more about what I am wearing day to day, trying to think more about my general appearance before I go out, and have impulsively got a new tattoo and haircut in the same week. The alternative me that I feel on the inside is coming through, and I couldn't be happier!

(even if the manfriend hates the hair)

Clean Eating

 So I've decided to try and do clean eating, properly. It can be a restricted diet, but it's well structured and fairly easy to do. I'm not very inventive, so I rely heavily on other creative people posting recipes and ideas on instagram and blog spaces for me to try, but it can be done well using only basic foods.

The idea is very simple - no processed foods. Make everything from scratch were possible. Good balance of protein, complex carbs and health fats. 

Basic, simple, effective.

I'm not only interested in weight loss, clean eating is great for building muscle strength and sculpting your physique. More importantly for me though is the health benefits in other areas, specifically your skin, hair and nails, as well as your innards. My skin is atrocious, and as a women in her "late" (yes, apparently the 7th year of your decade is when your officially in the late grouping I've been informed) twenties I am quite honestly fed up with the state of it. My back can be particularly bad, and there is nothing worse when you finally find an outfit that you like only to find another added anxiety of flashing some skinage.

Having a low thyroid as well pretty much screws with my hair growth (and retention - thank the lordy it is thick so you can't notice) and nail growth. My digestive system is also pretty screwed, "lazy" was the term the doc used...yep - pretty much sums me up!


I've included some photos of some of my meals/shakes. You have to eat 4-6 times a day, which I find difficult to adjust to. I've been a bit hungry, probably because I am not eating often enough, but this is a learning process and I will fine tune as I go along.

                                                                                                                                                                                                 Overall though, I'm finding it pretty easy going so far. Even made lentil soup - first time ever - go me!!

INCREDI-POLE!

Well...yes again I need to apologise once more for lack of blogging, I've been THE busiest person on earth recently. I have finally moved house - OMGoodness could that have been more stressful!

Uch, anyway between that, having no internet (from the moving) and being unwell blogging has been low on the list.

However, I must, MUST, tell you all about what I am pegging as one of the best experiences of my life. On Sunday I took part in my first pole dance performance as part of Team PB Dance and Fitness. I danced to Alex Clare, Too Close.

I was a nervous wreck. Sunday all day I wandered about the house, I couldn't eat, I was nervous, felt sick, needed to pee, couldn't pee. The whole day was terrifying.

But standing side of stage, a few deep breaths, and suddenly all the nerves, all the shanks, all the worry just left my body. It was like I had physically accepted what was about to happen to me. Like I knew that everything was going to be ok.

And it was. I didn't have the fanciest routine, the sexiest, the most technical. But it was mine, it flowed, and it was flawless. I nailed my moves, had one wee slide that no body noticed (looked like part of the act and I managed to recover). I smiled the biggest smile of my life, the adrenaline was phenomenal. I felt like the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world.

accomplish everything without fear! Tattoo on my back!

And the motivation I feel is tremendous. I am desperate now to push on with pole, to really practice, to really work hard. I want to nail moves, new moves, harder moves. I want to be stronger, be sexier. I want to enter competitions, and I want to show the world that there is finally something I can do!!

I am so proud of all the girls, of everyone who took part, and to the girls who supported by coming to see the show (and for cleaning the poles in between as that took a mega toll of their poor feet!). My family and friends who came to watch.

But I am so proud of myself. For facing another obstacle. For accomplishing something without fear!

STOPtober!

Birthday Night Out and Baby Brother Photo Bomb!!

September has been a blast! and I mean a BLAST!! I finished up in work (had an amazing leaving night - see pictures!) then I started my new job (exhausting but already I am much happier), I've been moving house slowly (again exhausting!!! I am never doing this again...sorry Mum and Dad but I'm here to stay), I also had an amazing weekend with the manfriend all to myself, then a double dunker birthday weekend with dinner AND a night out (see more pictures) and FINALLY had a tremendously tiring (and at times soul destroying) but reflectively positive in a self exploratory kind of way weekend at an international guide camp.

Leaving Night! 7 Tequilas! 7!!!

 I actually love camping...I love being in a tent! and being smelly....no one cares :)

September has whirled by and I have overindulged and underexercised. Its no wonder I feel bloated and sore; although I also feel very blessed to have had the amazing times, friends, family and opportunities that have made up my month.

But this blog is about diet and exercise. Lifestyle choices. And after an amazing month it's time to knuckle down and do this thing.

Firstly October is the NHS designated month for STOPtober, where there is a focus on (and therefore time, resources and support) to quit smoking. So tonight is most definitely my last EVER cigarette. No more excuses, no more crap. I have patches and the support of my family (my mum's stopping too!). So this, for the last time, is it! STOPtober is only available in England and Wales, but I figured seen as loads of people are trying to stop together, why not us!

Birthday Champagne...followed by birthday shots!!!

As I mentioned before I really struggle when trying to stop smoking when I go out for a drink. So I figured I try kill two birds with one stone, and raise some cash for Macmillan Cancer Support (who helped nurse my Nana at home at the end, and who I have worked with in the community and seen first hand the AMAZING work they do). So I am ALSO doing Go Sober for October as well. Which means I ain't going to be on the booze either!!

You guys know that my weekends pretty much revolve around alcamahol. I do love a night out with the girls, a casual pint at the Grosv and a wee mixed fruits in the house after a stressful day! So cutting out the booze may not seem like a hardship but when days roll into weekends well...lets just say I'll have to remain very conscious of the fact I am not indulging! So I would really, really, appreciate any donations at all which you can do on my PROFILE PAGE!

And if that wasn't enough (and surely it would be I hear you scream!!) I am starting at the gym first thing tomorrow morning. I am now a fully fledged member of the Renfrewshire Leisure Centres and will be hitting it hard at bodypump at 7.15AM tomorrow morning. Figured I gotta replace two of my vices with another (healthier) addiction!!!

try something new challenge...September.

Sorry its been a while, I've been crazy busy for the last weeks. First of all I had a horrific viral infection and was floored for like a week. Then I started my new job, and was absolutely shattered. A combination of the viral and just taking in vast amounts of information for 5 days straight.

Anyways I am reporting on my new experience of the month. You may remember that when I made the decision to try and get fit I also wanted to make sure I tried new fitness activities to keep my life (and fitness life) interesting.

July was free weights - which I love and continue to do now!
August was metafit - which I love and aim to continue to do!
September - was mountain biking.

As I mentioned in a previous blog, my cousin enjoys a bit of cycling. London to Paris...you know, just little cycles here and there.

Anyways he invited me out for a trial of mountain biking! We headed to 7stanes in Dumfries, and the wee soul even paid for my bike hire as a birthday present! It was pouring from the heavens when I picked up my cous, and the feeling of dred was getting heavier and heavier as we got closer to the mountains.....

Luckily the rain held off as we started our ascent! I very quickly felt well out of my depth, I kept slipping and sliding all over the place, couldn't work the gears, kept having to walk up bits. I went very quiet, and out of breathe, and instantly just thought "I HATE THIS!!!!"

But after a wee while we had got onto parts that were flatter, or had some more downhill bits. The rain stayed off, the sun even came out, and I managed to get more of the gears worked out. I suddenly found myself peddling along, and smiling!

Not just smiling....LAUGHING!!

4 hours later we fly down the hill (I say fly, I was crawling...but it felt like flying). I was soaked, I was dirty from my toes to my hair and I was completely high! I had an amazing time and I am totally go gonna back. My whole body is stiff as hell but I felt amazing, I felt proud and I felt like I had achieved something.

September - Done!!

October....... Rock Climbing!!!

Snatch and Grab! Physio! ToughMudder!

 

Tried a new free weights exercise. Snatch and Grab! Works the legs, gluts, core, shoulders, and all the arms. Really good exercise! I've posted a wee video. http://youtu.be/vss7SfrD2ms Couldn't get it to upload direct on the blog...sorry!!

It's quite good videoing yourself, straight away I can see I probably bend too much in the back and don't squat enough, so I'll work on my technique next week when I do it again! Feel free to comment if there is anything else you see which you think needs improved.

Although, I also finally went to the physiotherapist today for my feet, which have caused me problems with running. What an experience that was! Apparently I use my toes to walk, by lifting them and guiding my foot. I have tight tendons all along the tops of my feet, over developed muscles in the balls of my feet, and tight ankles, which restrains my movements and puts pressure on my legs. When I walk I lift my toes, and concentrate my weight on the side and front of my foot. That's how I've adapted to my feet shape, but also what is causing the pains in my legs.

My (extremely good looking) physio told me that he's never seen anything like it, and it's going to be a slow process for my rehab, basically I'm going to have to relearn how to walk. So I've some exercises to do for the next fortnight before my next appointment. Including lunges (my favourite! NOT!!)

In other exciting news I've been inspired to preregister for TOUGH MUDDER 2014. Its a 10-12 mile run with obstacles, electric shocks, fire and of course...lots of mud!! I though it would be something fun to aim for next year, so far a couple of the pole girlies and the manfriend have said they are up for it, so I really need to start getting back into my running.

If you fancy joining me and my rowdy crew in 2014 then you can preregister here. We'll form a wee team. It will be the toughest, and funnest, day ever! I can pretty much guarantee!!

The gift of human kindness

one of the most enjoyable things about blogging, and the primary reason I do it, is because of the responses I get. People tell me my blog inspires them, others tell me they understand what I am talking about, some say it makes them think. Most tell me that it make them laugh!

Interestingly though I got a more unusual response from one of my recent blogs, where I honestly, and at times painfully, described my struggle with my nicotine addiction. Helplessness.

My cousin, who I did not realise read my blogs, messaged me. Telling me that my writing had made him feel helpless. At first I found this a strange response, as my struggle with nicotine doesn't really directly impact him. He explained though that my writing had made him want to help, to do something that would help me overcome my addiction and motivated me to keep moving on.

He, I would say in a complete selfless act, has offered to take me mountain biking! Nothing to do with the fact that he loves mountain biking, and has done not one, but TWO, long distance charity cycles.

Completely selfless, as I said.

I am nervous, but excited. We're going in September and I currently waiting on the details. I just hope that I don't make too much of a fool of myself!

me and my handsome cousin - we got good genes!!

It'll be alright on the pole night

I started work on my pole routine today, for my debut performance at Incredipole! in October. I have been kinda dreading it since signing up, convinced I'm just going to make a fool out of myself in front of an audience. After today though I defo have a better perspective on what I am going to do, and I am feeling much more positive about it.

I think back to all my fears at my first pole class. That I was too fat, I was unco-ordinated, that I wasn't graceful and that I wasn't sexy. Thinking back then, to what I feel now, shows the amazing emotional, as well as physical, benefits that pole dancing and fitness really brings to you.

When my instructor started PB Dance and Fitness she received a promotional article in the local paper, prompted followed by a councillor complaint, who stated quite clearly that she knew there was a connection between pole dancing and prostitution. So...basically called us all prostitution.

I reply to that councillor, and ask for her to come to a class one night, to actually see the hard work and dedication that goes on. The physical feats of strength and grace and co-ordination that you have to combine to create a fluid and great looking movement. There are no sparkly heels, no bikini clad glittery women, no drugs, no alcohol, and certain no prostitutes.

What is there is my friends, my pole family. A group of fun, lively, confident young women who have embraced a physical activity that they enjoy. A group of amazing personalities who support one another, care for one another, laugh together.

 You shake your bum and boobs at zumba, belly dancing is a historical seduction dance, I don't hear any councillor enquiries into those exercises. Just because we're not doing boring press ups, or crunches, doesn't mean we're not working our arms and abs. Trust me we are.

So as I develop my routine, and the performance grows closer, I hope that the councillor who believes all pole dancers are prostitutes will come along. Will see that there is a growing community of women (and some men) who have found a clean, healthy, way to feel sexy, to feel confident, to make friends and to become fit and healthy.

It's time to choose...

Tonight I wanted to write about something which I have continued to struggle with through-out my fitness and diet journey. Addiction. Those who have followed my blog with know that I have quit, restarted, quit again. Each time I say it's for good, each time I fail.

Today I tried to exercise again but quickly felt my leg hurting and decided not to push it too hard. Instead I sat and watched some television and sorted out the guiding documents that I am delivering to the county commissioner as I am no longer in charge of the unit here (because of my relocation, not for any sinister reasons!)

This process of moving house, of moving on, has made me reflect a lot on my life so far. On the things I have achieved, and the things that I have not. After a not very pleasant incident where I accidently ruined date-night because I forgot my cigarettes I haven't stopped contemplating the role addiction plays in my life, and the lives of those around me, since.

I couldn't help but think about the fact this is probably the most committed I have ever been to a healthy eating and exercise regime. And yet I continue to blight my progress and reserve the good work through smoking. The financial, and emotional costs continue to mount and I begin to really consider whether this is the lifestyle that I really want.

Its almost like a multiple personality syndrome. One the one hand I want to be a healthy, active and fit person. Who can run around after tiny human, can handle long walks, who isn't scared to hire a bike on holiday and cycle round the area. I want to go on treks and learn to surf and do lots of fun fit things as well as the mundane.

On the other hand there is this terrible voice in my head, one who consistently tells me that I can't, I'll never, be able to give up. That I am no good without cigarettes, that I won't be able to have as much fun out with friends or on nights on. That I won't be able to handle the stressors of daily life without the fags. Even as I type it now I know it sounds crazy, but smokers will understand.

The word commitment has two definitions in the oxford dictionary:

1 the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.:
2 an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action

I want my life to revolve around the first, not the second. What it shows is that there are two sides to every coin, two thoughts, two conflicting explanations for the same entity. That's how I fell now, but the time has come to choose.

Whatever the motivation is, be it a health scare, be it a new years resolution, be it an ultimatum from a loved one. There comes a time in everybody's life where they have to make choices, sometimes difficult choices, and I believe my life has once again come to this.

It's time to choose...and I choose life.

Injury Time

I haven’t been blogging this week, because I haven’t been exercising. I pulled a muscle in my thigh last Wednesday (getting out of the car of all things...I mean if you’re going to have an injury make it heroic in nature!) I’ve been in a lot of pain, hobbling about, so I had to cancel my classes. 
Plus I had quite an active social life this week: Kings of Leon concert Thursday, Cocktails with the girls Saturday, Saturday with tiny human, Date night with manfriend and then away to Johnston for tiny human’s birthday treat. 

In short, I’ve eaten, and drank, quite a lot: which I am paying for in both my gastro system (yep! This blog is nothing if not honest) and in my skin. So it’s back to litres of water, and a healthy diet today. 

But who really cares, sometimes there are times in life where exercise doesn’t come first. Going to see one of my favourite bands live is one of them, feeling so proud as tiny human rode her first horse and was so spectacularly brave she wants to go back next is definitely another, spending time with almost all of my SITC girls is guaranteed to be on that list, as is alone time with the manfriend. 
My exercise regime fits around my life, not the other way round.

Maybe that means I won’t get the results as fast, maybe it means I’ll still wear these jeans until Christmas. Bottom line is balance, it is all about balance, and there is no point in working hard, exercising harder and having no fun. As they say – moderation is the key. 

No unhealthy plans this weekend – I am however getting a haircut. New Job, New Me!

Its all about the newness!

Today has been a day all about newness!

First of all, in non-weight related gossip, I finally got my start date for my new job - 4 weeks on Monday I'll officially be a social worker with Renfrewshire council. I cannot wait to get home, to be with my family and friends again, and be back in familiar territory.

In other (more blog relevant) news, I tried two new things today.

The first thing was metafit - a new fitness class! It was half an hour of intense interval training. We did three back to back high impact bodyweight exercises for forty seconds and then twenty seconds rest. First lot was legs, then arms, back to legs, arms and on it went! I was sweating buckets by the end, but totally buzzing! It worked my whole body, worked it hard, and apparently my metabolic rate runs high for twenty four hours afterwards! Result!! Totally loved it!! Cannot wait to go again!

Metafit = Metafab!



Unfortunately my gym bunny buddy did not enjoy it as much, as a lot of arm work involves tension on the wrists and one of hers is dodgy! She's willing to give it another go, but I think I'll be a metafitter for life!

The second new thing I tried was veggies in my shake. I make protein shakes after workouts, they aid muscle regeneration and reduce pain. As a lover of instagram lots of people make protein shakes with veggies, but I've never been keen. Today I put a handful of green leaves in my shake - kale, spinach and other stuffs. I actually couldn't taste it and my smoothie was just as good!!

So today was a good day - tomorrow is a rest day...and for that I will be celebrating with a drink with my gym bunny buddy! It'll be a toast - to surviving duty for another week, for hitting it hard this week, and for celebrating the newness!!

Stress Buster!!

Following on from yesterdays blog about motivation, which I am still thinking about, I thought I'd share my genuine surprise at another benefits, and therefore another motivation, to exercise.

The Stress Buster!!

Now I know everyone says it, exercise releases good chemicals in the brain, it's the same as eating chocolate, you'll feel better after it. If you are anything like me you'll not have really believed it either.

I've struggled recently, with stress, managing emotions. It's been a difficult time and the smallest things wind me up ten fold. What I've found is that as I have become more consistent in my routine with the exercise my stress levels have somewhat reduced.

The reason this struck me today in particular is because for the 2nd time in 3 weeks I am on duty. As I am covering for others in my team and leaving my job soon I have a bit more free time and therefore have become a duty addict!! Haha....

But today in particular was very emotionally draining, nothing particularly bad happened, I wasn't particularly run off my feet, I've had way more crazy days on (and off) duty in the past. Today however was not one of those days, it was just weird, emotionally very difficult for a variety of reasons. When I left my eyes were dropping, my head was buzzing, I literally could not make one more decision or have one more conversation about social work if I wanted to.

The old me would have seen a day like today as a reason to go the shops and buy a big bag of crisps, a big bar of chocolate and a few ciders. I would have sat on the couch, ate my food, drank my ciders, felt sick and crashed early.

But Tuesday is my spin day so I went straight from work to the gym, met up with my gym bunny buddy and off to spin we went.

Now I am home, had a healthy dinner and I am halfway through my protein shake and drying my hair. I don't feel the need to snack, in fact I'm quite energetic feeling. The worries of the day have most certainly been burned out of me!

Another reason to truly be motivated to move!

Motivation?!

I've become proper, like proper addicted to Instagram! I use facebook mainly for social stuff, and I've kind of went off twitter as I find it too tedious, but Instagram has very quickly become the place where I can let the health and fitness side of me totally rock out! I post pictures of meals, shakes, exercises, motivational cards and I'm talking every day! I also follow almost only fitness and health posts, which means Instagram has become my instant one stop shop for a major motivation boost!

Today I uploaded the picture of my trousers - these trousers didn't fit me a few weeks back, and now they do - this excited me (obviously) so I posted the pic. Someone from work who is also on Instragram commented "gee me some of your motivation!"

This made me think...I'm always looking for motivation, I've created motivation through my Instagram feeds. I also created my own motivation at home. As well as putting together "fat photos!" with motivational slogans to keep me fingers out of the cookie jar! But when my friend asked me to give her some of my motivation...I really struggled!

How do people motivate others? How am I actually motivated?

I've thought about this before and I know that visual ques are important for me, which is why I decided to put up the photos, and why I find sites such as Instagram so invaluable to my weight loss. Most of these sites are people who are fit - pics of their bodies, pics of their tips, pics of their transformations.

Blogging is another, I find it a really good way to let off steam and celebrate my victories. I noticed that my quantity of blogs certainly drop during the times where I am not being terribly good - and that is something I need to change. But I suppose what is more important is that I always come back, I always admit my faults, and I always start again. What I can't be bothered doing is starting again anymore. This time feels different, it feels like life...

So I think that the best thing to motivate others is to do the best that I can, be a success story, keep posting the photos and the tips, keep learning. One day maybe someone will put their face on my body, because that would be the ultimate motivation!

Lifting like a Beast and Dropping Jean Sizes!

Well another week has passed and I weighed in slightly heavier than last week (about 10oz). At first I was taken aback, but then I look back at this week and remember all the great things that I've done!

Again I've eat fairly well, it's the week before payday so pickings have been a bit slim at times haha! But I did my spin class, I did two hours of pole with the LEGEND that is Leigh-Ann Reily of BeSpun, and this weekend I trained like a beast with the manfriend.

I also tried on 3 pairs of my old jeans - and they FIT!! Woooo!!!

I lifted! Like reeeeally lifted! There were no tears this week. I kept the weights reasonably low, achieving the full number of reps, which made me feel amazing!! I figured best to start a little low (where it is still challenging but not bursting into tears stuff like last weekend) and build up! Here's what I did!

Saturday - early morning swim with manfriend and tiny human - her swimming is coming on amazing, she's doing more and more without her arm bands on, and it's amazing to see her progress every week! So although I did go swimming, I only did a few lengths, it was more to let the tiny human swim, but I figured it's still an hour and half moving through water.

Then we lifted!! Me and the manfriend! All of my rep sets were the same format: 20 x 10kgs, 12 x 15kg, 6 x 20kg, 12 x 15kg, 20 x 10kgs. - little rest between sets, few mins between exercises.

Saturday - Legs and Arms - I did squats (pictured) and then deadlifts. For arms we did tricep kickbacks and then bicep curls. Then rotated a medicine ball to work the obliques and finished off with 1 minute plank.

Sunday - Chest, Shoulders and Abs - Bent Over Rows, Bench Press (pictured) and 20 shoulder lifts. Then I did 9 1/2 press ups (my last one didn't count!!). Followed by 8mins abdominal work with the kettlebells.

After which manfriend and I took tiny human swimming again for another hour.

Manfriend is in quite a bit of pain, and my legs are absolutely aching (so is my glutes!!). Manfriend felt that we did too much, but I really enjoyed myself. Maybe because I didn't lift as much as what he did. He called me a beast! He was proud - and that felt great!

I replied: Work like a Beast, Look like a Beauty!

Pole dancing, my journey.

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I realised in this blog I often mention pole dancing, but I rarely descript it. I thought I'd give you all a more detailed account of the reasons why this is the one exercise that I have stuck with.

I started pole dancing around March/April 2012, around 6 months after I had moved to Ayrshire for work. I had just moved into my own flat and found the evenings long and boring. I had a couple of friends who had tried pole dancing and loved it, so I did a google and found lessons in Kilmarnock.

I still remember my first class. I was terrified! I came alone, all the girls looked so gorgeous, and I was beginning to wonder what on earth I was doing! Then along bounced Claire! Who was nothing like what I thought a pole instructor would look like.

Fast forward a year (and a wee bit) and I'm still there with Claire. From the girl who couldn't get two feet off the floor on her first lesson to someone who can hang upside down, twirl around and around, is getting better and stronger every week! I've had set backs, couple of fractured ribs, pulled muscles. As my weights fluctuated I've found pole harder and I get frustrated when I plateau.

However as I watch my progress, as I nail the move, as I hold on longer, spin further. The joy is insatiable.

You are engaging your legs, your arms (including the forearms which are difficult to work on), your shoulders, your core...pole is a total body strength workout. You work for one hour, keep flowing, and the sweat will start. In fact pole burns an average of 250kcals an hour, the same as an average work out in the gym, and you don't feel it!

You build strength, improve muscle definition, increase stamina...but most of all you gain in confidence! You laugh at yourself, you are proud of yourself, and you begin to realise that you can hit the moves, you can co-ordinate, and that you look great doing it.

There's a sexy side too...but I think part 2 will come next week. If you are thinking about it - try it! Go for it! For me it's the longest I've stuck to an exercise, and the reason is because you never feel that you are exercising!

Pole Workshop...Bruises and Big Spins.

So tonight I attended my first ever pole workshop, with the fabulous and famous Leigh-Ann Reily, from Los Angeles, USA.

I was pretty nervous to be honest, but I really want to advance at pole dancing, and I'm at a stage where the perfection of technique is what I need in order to keep progressing into bigger and stronger moves. It meant I missed my usual pole class (boo) but was totally worth the time and money.

The first workshop was big spins. I love spinning, it's my favourite thing to do and what I feel pole dancing is all about. A lot of people prefer the high level tricks and flicks, and I agree they look fabulous, but tricks alone do not a good routine make. I've been in the audience watching a trick heavy performance, and although I appreciate how hard it is, I do find myself thinking "ok you're strong...but what else can you do". The spin workshop was amazing and I learned a lot about body positioning and the science behind the spin, because if you don't push off right you're destined to a poor spin! I could feel an almost immediate improvement in my spins, and I can't wait to get back to class and use the technique in every spin I can think of!

My second workshop was problem tricks, and I will admit this is where I stumbled a bit more. At this stage every trick is a problem haha because I'm developing the strength I need in order to pull them off. But despite everyone else in the class being more advanced than me I took LOADS away, stuff I can use to improve tricks now and that I will defo keep in mind for when I am trying the tougher moves. Again, biology and science was at the forefront, if your body isn't in the right shape you cannot nail the move. It's about engaging every muscle and forcing your body into the shape it needs to be in so that you use the least amount of energy possible allowing you to hold for longer and maintain your stamina through-out a routine.

The whole experience was amazing. Leigh-Ann was so lovely - I couldn't stop staring at her body, she was so hot it hurts! Her tummy was amazing!! She was modest in her moves though, she knew she was good at what she does, but her desire is to help others reach their goals. All the girls in the class were lovely, and I made some new pole friends which was great. I'm really looking forward to attending more workshops in the future, and have now started a wee pole notebook that I will take with me through-out my pole journey.

Of course none of this would be happening if it wasn't for my amazing instructor Claire, who runs PB Dance and Fitness. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be here writing this blog, with my right wrist shredded, feeling on top of the world. I Heart Pole Blog biggin up the PB girls will be coming soon!

This weeks result...its a loss!

Well yesterday was my first weigh in after getting my act together and really pushing through on the diet and exercise front. I'm not following a plan or anything, I've tried and failed too many times at those I just decided to use my knowledge and be as physically healthy as I could and see what happened.

I have had either eggs or oats from breakfast, fruit and yogurt for snacks, pasta for lunch and no-carb (or as close as I can get) dinners. I exercised hard, even tried lifting weights (my arms are still killing me four days after).

And the result....A LOSS! A Huge Loss!! 2 pounds and 10 ounces!!

Turns out the point numbers on my scales are ounces, I never realised. HaHa!

I am so proud of myself, its made the effort, the planning, the pain, the TEARS, worth it. If I can keep up this progress I will be more than happy! I'm keeping a positive mantra: Pain is Gain, Go Hard or Go Home, and that working for today means a better body tomorrow. I've filled my istagram, facebook and twitter feeds full of positive messages and photos, recipes and ideas for change. I've even been looking at fantasy ballgowns, which if I ever make it to a size 10 I'm buying, just because I can!!

Next week's goal - 2 pounds and 6 ounces - which would take me up to a total 5 pounds in 2 weeks!

Come On!!!!

Weights and Cheat Days

I have had a super amazing week. I've been so good this week, real fruit smoothies, no carb dinners and lots and lots of exercise. I've done spin, I've done badminton, I've done pole and this week I tried a new thing: WEIGHTS!

As I said before manfriend has been very focused on weights, and has learned a lot through magazines and online articles. His body really changed as a result, and I'd been thinking about trying it out for a while. Plus I'd been promising myself that I'd give manfriend a chance, as he's always been supportive of me and trying to help me get fitter. I've maybe not always been the most.......appreciative student!

Also every women' fitness magazine I buy is recommending weight lifting for girls. It's apparently one of the quickest ways to change your body shape and burn calories.

So this weekend I said to manfriend, lets lift weights...show me how.

We did arm weights - threw a 5kg medicine ball for 10 mins back and forth to work the forearms, that was fine and I actually found myself thinking "this isn't so bad!". Then we started doing pyramid training on the biceps and triceps. For those of you who don't know what pyramid training is you start with a small weight and do 20 reps, then move onto a medium weight and do 12 reps, then a heavy weight and 6 reps, then 12 reps of the medium and finally 20 reps of the smallest weight again. Minimum recovery time to produce maximum tissue growth in the muscles. Its a body building technique, but produces amazing toning in the areas that you choose to work. Thing is that by the medium weight on the way up your arm starts to get sore, on the heaviest weight the pain is ripping through you, and on the way back down you feel like your lifting the heaviest weight every single time.

Oh My Gawd!!!!!!!!!

I physically cried, wept, the whole way through. Every self doubt went through my mind, every negative feeling, but manfriend was amazing - he was supportive, he was motivating, and he pushed me through and I managed it. Every single lift. My arms are aching but it was totally worth it (ssshhh don't tell manfriend that I actually am glad I done it...he still feels bad for making me cry!).

My arms are killing me today...but I have had a great weekend. I went out with beautiful friends on Saturday, I had three drinks, lots of water and danced for aggges! Then today we took tiny human to the ski slopes for her birthday. I decided to have a cheat day, we had burger king, birthday cake, and Chinese noodles. mmmmm....

I may be struggling to fully straighten my left arm, but at least I don't have to do it again until next Saturday!!!

Little victories

So yes, I know it is only Tuesday, but one thing we are not good at is celebrating the little victories in life. So I thought I would share how well I am doing 2 days in.

I've been super good today again, and I am achieving my mini goals I set myself this week. The only down side is the rising costs in toilet paper from drinking all that water. My head has been sore today but I am attributing that to caffeine and refined sugar withdrawl and hoping it will pass soon enough. I've only drank water and milk in the last two days, I've made my lunches, ate breakfast and exercised. Spin fit today was great, felt so good when me and gym bunny buddy came out that we booked straight back in for next week. We're going for a wee game of badminton on Thursday evening (hopefully) so it'll be a welcome reprive from the classes.

I'm still aiming for my 2lbs off this week. It's tiny humans birthday on Saturday, not sure what is happening yet but I'll do my best to eat clean. I'm abstaining from alcohol this weekend too, and probably the next.

I've also given some thought to training with the manfriend. He is so motivated at times, and really should be a personal trainer. The main problem is though that because of our relationship I feel that I can say things to him I wouldn't say to a PT. I'd probably push harder with a PT, do everything they say, but I find myself questioning my manfriend, becoming annoyed because he pushes me too hard, makes me feel small. I really shouldn't do this, it isn't fair and at the end of the day he has done much better than I have.

We will be terribly busy this weekend, but I think I will take my gym kit up

and see if we can get away for 30mins to an hour. Manfriend lifts a lot of weights, and every womens fitness magazine I read tells me that women should lift, that it's amazing for their bodies. So I think I'm going to give that a try this weekend, if the manfriend will have me.

Anyways, nothing else really to report, it's all good news for a change this week so far. I'm getting to a point I'm probably boring my facebook friends a lot from weight loss/ food based posts so I've kinda moved over to Instagram for daily updates and will try keep facebook for more out of the ordinary posts. If you want to follow my Instagram page my user name is crazechickadee. I couldn't set up a link for some reason (soz!)

Hope everyone if feeling the zone like I am so far.

Food Glorious Food...and cider....and sunshine

Many people say that the summer invigorates them to exercise more...unfortunatly for me I find myself invited to endless weekends, BBQs, and days out to the beer gardens. And my summer drink of choice is Cider, Strawberry and Pear cider to be exact.

So despite having lost 2.8lbs without really trying over a couple of weeks, I managed to put 2.2 back on post weekend with the inlaws. I had a great time, lots of cider and cocktails, beautiful food and great company. It was nice to chill out and get pampered for a while.

But alas, today is Monday and in the usual Monday fashion the diet starts today. I've been really good so far, had a raw berry bar and a smoothie for breakfast, I've drank 750ml of water so far and it's only lunchtime, and I had a reduced fat tuna sandwhich for lunch (never organised on a Monday!).

My gym bunny buddy is well up for an energetic week, she facebooked me Sunday to inform me we're going hard it in! She's my personal trainer! So it looks like spinning on Tuesday, Pole on Wednesday and either a game of badminton or 20/20/20 Thursday. Oft!

Tonights plan - major housework needed, and then I'll cook up my pasta dishes for lunchtime this week and have a nosey in the freezer for dinners.

Target for this week - 2lbs off.
Mini goals - drink 1.5ltrs water daily, eat more fruit, complex carb free dinners.

oh dear...little motivation = fat belly and no blogging

Ok, Ok, I admit it - I'm a terrible blogger. Truth be told my motivation has been so low these past few weeks I've pretty much been too unmotivated to even wash a dish never mind blog. On top of that I've still been smoking, which has crushed my confidence (and ego) again.

In better news I have been offered a new job closer to where I lived, and where I plan to move back to. This move will be permanent for me, so I am thinking about getting a gym membership, especially as the winter months roll in. However, as a result of this amazing exciting news I've also spent most of my free time packing and moving unnecessary household items, which has resulted in me collapsing in bed at the end of the day and getting up to do it all over again.

Anyways excuses aside I have started to make some movements towards getting back into the swing of things. I went to spin fit last Thursday, first time since before my tooth operation (had wisdom teeth removed so missed a week of exercise which somehow has rolled into 4 weeks...oops). It was horrific, I was terrible, total sweat fest, but I'm glad I went.

I planned to do some weights this weekend with my manfriend but life took over. Friday night we were too tired and hot after sitting out in the sun, Saturday was spent helping my mum with some gardening and then a gentle ramble around Finlaystone Park with tiny human, and Sunday manfriend was bowling so I was stuck with tiny human and we pretty much ate and watched films plus had a little run around in the park. Nothing strenuous and my fitness instructor let me down ;)

This week I am going to try and make amends, hopefully if my gym bunny buddy can book us in we've got two classes lined up this week, plus my pole classes are being replaced by four weeks of pole workshops (tres excited and also a tiny bit afraid) I have a feeling I'm going to be hurting after that!

I also hit the local supermarket today at the perfect time for discounted meat, got very lean mince, fish and turkey breasts all reduced. I have a kinda half day tomorrow (working from home) so once the carpet fitters are finished I'm going to prep some food. Money is kinda tight this month (because of the same carpet fitters and an impromptu trip to the in-laws this weekend) so I'm going to really have to watch the pennies.

Also my brother and I have a pact to stop smoking together tomorrow - he's a kid on smoker (social smoker) but we've agreed to stop together. Forfeits if we cheat:
1. First offence - the other person names three things they know you like and you can't have them for a week.
2. Second offence - you are a personal slave for 2 weeks to the other person.
3. Third and final offence - you get told on to mum and dad! ECK! No, kidding, a double hit of both the above for 2 months.

For all cheat cigarettes ~£1 has to be donated to a charity of the other persons choice.

And we HAVE to be totally, 100% honest with each other, no punishments, bad feelings, or guilt trips - just an acceptance that your sibling has let you down, a gentle shake of the head

"I'm not angry...I'm just disappointed", and let the forfeit begin.

Stretch and FLEEEEEEX!

Well last night I decided to try a little something different and go to a stretch and flex class in Glasgow. Its run by polephysique and it's always good to meet some other people from the pole world anyway.

I am very unflexible, and I feel that my legs are particular are very tight. I am heading to a podiatry appointment next week to see if part of the problem is my stupid weird feet (you don't want to know) but I thought the class would be good for me to really think about, and learn some techniques for, a good stretch.

I know it's terrible but you do kind of assume that stretching will be fairly easy.

Well, you'd be very, very, wrong. I hurt more during that class than any other exercise class I've been to I think! It's actually really hard, takes a lot of core strength and balance, and really pushes your muscles to places that you are convinced they are NOT designed to go to.

There was one "supported" stretch where the idea is to sit up straight, pole between your legs, hold onto the pole so you can't fall backwards, and with one person in front and one person behind your legs are lifted up towards your body as far as they can go. I actually done better than what I thought I would but can I just say I have never been so physically close to two (stunning) women in such a compromising position in my life. There was heat, a lot of heat!!

I felt very vulnerable!

I had really great fun though, and I've learned some good stretches that I can do at home at night to try and improve my flexibility. Keeping supple is vital when you are doing quite a lot of exercise, not only will improving this improve my pole skills, but also will reduce injuries in my other exercises as well.

I missed spin as a result, but I'll make up for it with 2 kettlebell sessions at the weekend and rest on Monday :)

I tried haddock parcels from asda last night for my tea. I like haddock...but I've no idea what was in the "parcel"...I didn't like that at all :s

Only other thing is I am still smoking, albeit still cut right down. I have a night out tonight with work girlies, so I know I'll struggle to resist tonight. But I am getting annoyed with myself now, I can smell it more, feel it more when I'm working out, see the disruption it brings to my life. I can't smoke for 48 hours after I get my wisdom teeth removed, which is next Tuesday, so I figure what the hell time to stop for good again, I'll let you know how I get on.

So lessons learned this week:

Stretching is important and I need to do it more
Trying new things is fun
and
being the filling of a sexy lady sandwich is amazing, but also makes me giggle!

WooHoo! Results!

Well I weighed in tonight after pole - after two weeks of watching my diet, exercising. Although I've not been 100% on the ball the full time (as in my last blog I explained it takes me a while to get warmed up into these things.)

But this week I have to admit I have worked my little ass off! Weighing in tonight I crossed my fingers and toes and hoped for the best.

Weight: 12st 11.6lb! A LOSS of 2.4lbs!!!!! WOOOO!!!!

Also overall I have lost 5inches off my body! 2 of them off my tummy and one off my waist!!

So on we go! I've got a cracking wrist burn from pole class and tomorrow I'm going to stretch and flex workshop to (hopefully) learn how to stretch and keep stretching until I can do the splits!! excited face!

And hopefully I get back from the workshop quick enough for a spin class at 8pm!

Friday its dancing (with drinks!!lol) Saturday a run (if not dying) and bowling with the gang afterwards!

Sunday the manfriend is running a 10k! I'm really proud of him he's worked so hard to build up his time and fitness! I really hope he can get the time he wants! Tiny human and I will be there to cheer him on anyway!!

Plan this week is to try and focus on the diet as well. Lots of fish and less junk!!

First official week of reflection!

So as usual I am little bit slow in the get up and go when I am starting a new routine/plan/strategy for weight loss or exercise!

Most people feel all ready and get stuck straight into their new routine. Most people tell me that the first week of their new routine is the easiest because they are full of motivation and get up and go! But as with most things I differ from the norm and actually find the first week or two of a new routine the hardest. I feel as though I am given up EVERYTHING in that week that I like. Chocolate, crisps, chips (I see a pattern) and my time....all this exercise where is my time to relaxxxx!??! 

So I don't see the point in telling you guys how not great I am doing in that week or two. I have the odd cigarette, I have the odd takeaway, and usually quite a lot to drink!

But I have had a really good week recently, and I've managed to stay the course (more or less), so I feel ready to start sharing.

I haven't really focused on my diet too much this week as I've just been concentrating in getting into a solid routine with exercise. Last week I did a triple 20 class on Tuesday, pole class on Wednesday, spinfit on Thursday, rest day Friday - albeit lots of ab work outs through laughing with the girls, 20min run plus outdoor abs/arms workout Saturday, rest day Sunday and 20mins kettlebell workout Monday.

I'm also looking ahead and one thing I do want to try and do is perform in the pole show in October. However, there is NO WAY I am doing it unless I am A - amazingly good and B - amazing good looking! So I have booked into pole workshops in the future and I'm going to try a flexy stretchy workshop to try and really develop as a dancer!

This week I am going to focus more on my diet (it's supposed to rain this weekend so no double barbeques for me!) Not really sure how I'm going to go about this yet - just going to try eat less junk and no carbs in the evening. Maybe need to have flick through my fitness magazines for some inspiration.

anyways:

Weigh in Wednesday - here's hoping!!

*sips her green tea*

First day...food, exercise, and magazine subscriptions

Well it's only day 1, but I usually find the first few days the hardest. I know most people find the first few days of anything are the best because they are all revved up and motivated, but I actually find it quite hard. I feel the first few days quite difficult, the amount of changes and sacrifices that have to be made. Once I am started to get into the habit of something I find it easier to keep muddling through!

But today wasn't too bad. I didn't have breakfast...I meant to, then something got me caught up at work and I didn't. I know that this is bad...but it happened.

So I was starving at lunch time, but I stayed reserved. I had chicken noodle soup and a brown roll with just butter for lunch, then I had a banana and a small handful of brazil nuts at 5pm as I had to work late. When I got home (at 6.40) I did 40mins of kettlebells with a 4kg (double my usual weight - I nearly died!) and then had a small chicken stir fry after. I was a bit hungry later so had a greek yogurt and some granola. Also I was reeeeally good and only had 2 cups of tea and lots of water!!

Go Me!

Also my women's health magazine (which I am now subscribed to...) came today! yippee!

So...going well.

Tomorrow's challenge: the training day lunch...eck!

Post Holiday Blues....and back where I started!

Well I am home from the holidays, and weighed in as you do post holiday, and I very much could believe it when I realised I was once again back up to my starting weight. 13st.

I was in some ways shocked, but mostly disappointed in myself. Months of work, exercise, investment in myself, for nothing. I am right back where I started 6 years ago when I had to buy my first pair of size 16 jeans.

This week I have had to buy another three pairs.

But, I have decided not to wallow in my grief. I had a moment in my holiday where I realised it really is time for change. I always try to be honest in my blog, with you, because I think that on a journey as difficult as weight loss it is important to be honest, but this moment I had on holiday is not one that I can share. All you need to know is that I had a moment that I shared with my manfriend where I really realised that I cannot keep going on the way I way I am going on. That unless I really apply myself I am going to constantly bounce between 13st and a little bit below...

So this time there will no weightwatchers, no crash diet, just healthy manageable eating plan and exercise.

I've already got started - I did a fat photo collage which I have stuck to the fridge and cupboard in my kitchen, I also cut out bodies from magazines that I liked and put my head on them to promote positive messages. I also have a diary which I am tracked my weight, measurements, food and exercise, as well as my mood and positive messages that I pick up along the way.

I would say this time is the last time or this time it's for real. But I've said it so many times the words kind of feel empty.

All I know is that there was a moment in my life where I realised that I was genuinely unhappy, deeply and soulfully unhappy, with my body, and that I cannot be there in another year, or two years, or six years. I have to change. Simple as that.

Come with me!

Weight watchers no more...4 week body blitz begins

So here I am, once again trying to decide if weight watchers really is the plan for me. I'm not saying the plan won't work, it does work, I've seen it work, I sit next to people every week who it clearly works for. But there is something missing for me, which probably has nothing to do with weightwatchers and more to do with me head space.

So I bought, read and took the advice of Women's fitness, which boosted a 4 week food plan which would rock your body into shape. Now I ain't stupid, I know 4 weeks is not going to reverse the last 10 years of junk and lack of exercise, and its a strict plan. But I am on a 5 week countdown to my holiday and if I don't do something I will hate myself.

So here I am on day 2 of the 4 week detox plan which includes giving up caffeine, sugar, alcohol, all junk and refined foods, all ready foods...pretty much most of my frikkin diet haha! I am also replacing one of my meals a day with a meal replacement shake.

Yesterday: Berry smoothie made with fruit and almond milk for breakfast, lunch was a 1/2 carton of soup and 2 slices of dry wholemeal bread and a replacement shake for dinner. Snacks included 1 small apple, 1 small pear, 5 brazil nuts and a pot of natural yogurt.

Today: 2 eggs and 1 slice wholemeal toast, lunch salad leaves, pepper, spring onion, can of tuna and 1 tablespoon of 0% fat greek yogurt and a replacement shake for dinner. Snacks included 1 tiny banana, 1 small apple, 5 brazil nuts and a pot of natural yogurt.

2-3 litres of water and lots of green tea...mmmm!

I'm still going to go to weightwatchers, and I am tracking alongside following this plan. Most days I am coming out much lower than my daily allowance given by weightwatchers, but I am keen to kee[ recording the difference. I don't know yet if I want to leave weightwatchers, I know that I'll put a lot back on when I come back from holiday, so I may try maintain on weightwatchers afterwards..

I tell ya something...giving up caffeine has been Hard! God bless the manfriend who was on the receiving end of the abuse on the phone...sorree!!!

6 weeks holiday count down..

Yes, its 6 weeks until another beach holiday. A beach I have known that I am going on for almost 12 weeks. And whilst my manfriend turns himself into a Greek god, dropping weight like it was the easiest thing in the world and now moving training onto muscle build...

He is soo going to leave me!

No, he won't really. I've manipulated him enough when he had low self esteem he's infatuated. So I know that I am safe. But, as much as I love the manfriend, and I do, I find myself at times quite angry that he is able to just loss.

Last week at the meetings Christine was talking about saboteurs, and how sometimes we ourselves are saboteurs of other people's healthy changes, sometimes because we feel we are not doing so well, and it kind of makes us feel better. Although this is not a nice thought, I'd put my hand up and say I've done it.

My weight loss is crap, I am not focused on the plan, and despite the manfriend sabotaging my plan every weekend, as I do to his, probably because we want an excuse to blow out, he continues to lose, and I continue to yoyoyoyo.

I have been reasonably good this week. Stayed on filling and healthy plan for pretty much the whole week. But I am not inspired, I am not enjoying it. I cooked two new dishes this week. A Sunday roast (actually manfriend put it in the oven...but I came up with the idea) and made from scratch spaghetti Bolognese with whole meal pasta. I've had porridge, houmous, and very little rubbish (3 mini magnums over two days, and about 10 vodkas over 2 nights...wow I sound like a jake).

But I have tracked, every morsel, every single thing...and yes I went over the 49 weeklies with my treats, but I had enough activity points to still be ok. - we'll see what the scales bring tomorrow.

I don't feel like I am losing weight, I don't really know what to do at all to be honest. I know the exercise is doing me good, and I know I need to step it up a bit. Its so hard working full time, having a full on social schedule, and do exercise over on top. I just feel stuck.

This may not just be a reflection on the diet. I really don't want to feel fat on yet another frikkin holiday. I have 6 weeks and that is enough to effect real change. There is a motivational quote which says "fed up of starting over, stop giving up!" that is my problem. Every week I feel I am saying "opps f'd up this week, but lets start over", "opps another naughty weekend (not in that way - minds oot the gutter please) but its ok Tuesday is a fresh start". Then I look back at the 8 weeks I've been on weight watchers and I haven't even lost my first half stone. That's a weekly loss of under a pound a week. boo.

I am enjoying getting fitter, I am feeling the benefits. Its keeping me off fags too (10 weeks!!). I think I just like food too much....shit!

Flling and Healthy Feedback, London and the desire to compete

Well. A wee unexpected loss of 1.5lbs bringing me back upto a grand total of 4lbs off. How depressing when I am like 8 weeks in.

However, given the food and drink I consumed in my weekend away with the manfriend I've no idea how I lost at all. One thing I can say for Londoners - you lot are well fed. I probably had some of the most beautiful food I have ever had in my life this weekend. Wild Boar Burgers with Chorizo with home cut chips....Real Italian Ravioli...the most amazing Chinese curry (in Chinatown) and a Mediterranean feast which I cannot even begin to describe it was so amazing!! (if you have never had baklava...have it...with skoosy cream...its amazing!!!!)

Yes we walked for miles (even did a wee 30min gym stint on the Saturday morning) and to be honest everything from the waist down hurt by Saturday we had walked so much!! (yes walked...get your minds out of the gutter...this is a public blog!) So I am wondering if maybe my wee body is a week behind on the scales...which means I am set for a gain next weigh in...but we'll see. I'll stay as on track as humanly possible this week and hopefully offset the balance.

This week I am staying on filling and healthy because I truly think it has potential for me. I need to track, because portion control is an issue pour moi, however where I tend to fall flat is at the weekends. I am usually at manfriends or eating out so F&H would be really useful for these occasions, would de-stress me as I don't need to cart up scales and books as well as a weekend worth of clothes etc, AND manfriend can have the list. Here is the list manfriend...go cook and don't worry about how much of what is in it!!!

So to get my head properly around it I am going to do it for a whole week and see how I get on. If it goes well my plan is to track Mon-Thurs and do F&H Fri-Sun. I think this might give me the flexibility I need over the weekends to keep me on track and then Monday/Tuesday does not become a salvage mission comparable to raising the Titanic!

I bought a new journal. Its a fresh start. And I have exactly, exactly, 8 weeks until my holidays....is 1lb a week too much to ask? A wee half a stone off would make my summer. I'll still feel bigger than what I'd like, but I'd certainly feel better than what I do now!

Its teambeachbody.com over the next 8 weeks I will be on track, I will exercise 6days of 7 and I will try to incorporate F&H into my routines! I am going to give WWers 110% for 8 weeks (2 months - it is nothing really) and if I can genuinely look at those 8 weeks, of 100% effort, and don't have the results, then I am leaving for the last time. Because even I am fed up with my moaning :)

Lets go F&H! Its on!

Motivation...

Kinda ironic I suppose. A blog about motivation which has taken me 6 days to write.

At the class on Tuesday our amazing leader had collated all the before and after photographs of members from her classes. There was hundreds of members, and the losses were unreal: 70, 80, 90, some over 100lbs off! Suddenly my measly couple of stone don't seem the mountain that they once did.

Christine asked us about motivation. She talked about the members who photographs we were shown, talked about their motivations as well as her own. Christine explained that for her she needs the motivation of instant results, to see and feel different as quickly as possible. For some of the other gold members, it was feelings, or auditory feedback from other people, it could be reading, the success stories...it was touching - books, the calculator, the tools.

When I came back from class I got my laptop out, launched the blogger and literally got writers block. What was my motivation....?

Thing is motivation is the thing I lack in weight loss. I stick it out for a while, look a bit, fit in my clothes a bit better, and then get complacent, or have a crazy week, or feel as though I can't really be bothered any more. This was not an instant blog, I needed to seriously think about what my motivation is...and I obviously needed to, because I am stagnating one again.

When I think about it... I have ever motivation under the sun. I have a beach holiday booked in ten weeks time, I have a manfriend who is a particularly healthy individual who would love nothing more than to go to the gym together, I am 6 weeks into my stop smoking journey and totally in control. I am the happiest, and most in control of my life as I have ever been, what more motivation do I actually need!!

So I thought about it, reflected on it. I am a blogger, and that is all about feelings...but its observations of feelings, reflection on them and then simply writing them down.

I started to run over my blog, reading and rereading the blogs, and I began to see a common theme, literally to SEE.

Photographs, hundreds of photographs. Some of them I hate, badly taken and fat looking, some of them I love, because I had lost the weight. Even though I talk about how I feel, how I think the same points kept coming up again and again...the way I look. I need to look good, to feel good. The days I put on my clothes, look in the mirror and like what I see, those are the days I track, plan and stay in control. The days I put on my clothes and look fat, I eat, I don't exercise, I can't be bothered.

For me the motivation is visual. And unfortunately things do not happen fast enough for me to see changes, and that is what I need to stay motivated. I need to see the difference.

So to encourage me further I have ordered THE size 12 dress which is not going to disappear in the bottom of the cupboard but hang out until the day I look good in it. I am going to redo all the photos where I look good and pin them around the house to keep my motivation levels up, instead of fat ones which bring me down. I am also going to take more measurements because in the last 5 weeks I have actually lost 4.5inches...so even though I may not be losing on the scales the difference is there.

I still need to mull this over, because I need to think about how I can keep my motivation high. Which I suppose half the battle is finding out my motivation, which thanks to Christine, and my blogs, I just did!

First loss in 3 weeks...hopefully the ball is rolling again

So tonight I lost 2lbs, bringing my loss up to a measly 4 1/2 lbs over the last few weeks. Not to dwell on the past but the last few weeks have been dismal despite all the motivational factors that I need.

However, I promised myself 100% this week and I gave it, tracked everything, even my binges, and minimised my alcohol. I worked hard and I got the result I deserved. I should have lost more by now, but alas maybe the last few weeks have been a learning curve, a kick up the butt and I can only look forward from now on.

This week I can only give it the same, and hope for another 2lbs off. I don't have any plans again this weekend, so I know that I should be able to stay on track.  I am going to aim to do about the same amount of exercise. And I am looking for another 2lbs off! Simple as ABC really.

Also this week I discovered I like humus...red pepper to be exact...mmm

Stick a fork in me....and my road.

Don't panic, I'm not done. But its been a difficult few weeks, which climaxed with a small breakdown at my WWers meeting and then colossal breakdown to my manfriend on the phone later on the same night, during which time I cried, shouted, threatened to not go on our holiday and basically couldn't think past the 3rd weight gain in 3 weeks.

However, after sleeping, and reflecting on the issue, I've a clearer head and better attitude. My leader Christine is very good at supporting through the good and the bad. She posts total losses of facebook, and as she has the highest weight losses in the UK they are pretty impressive. They are inspiring, but when you've had a rotten week, or another gain, they can be frustrating. A "how can everyone else do this and I can't" sort of thought. But Christine supports you through this too and posted a series of questions that a gainer has to ask themselves.

So I've genuinally thought about the last few weeks and there is a list of reasons for my gains, not excuses, but reasons:

1. I've stopped smoking...heading into week four I still struggle in the evenings to keep myself occupied. I am eating more as a result.

2. Weekend in Morecombe...the tracking went out the weekend after cocktail number 8.

3. Ill - antibiotics and cold plus missed a weigh in!

4. Binges - I am still binging, particularly at the weekends, and perhaps my weeklies are not stretching as much as I am hoping.

5. Jeans - my guide unit has started back up, and is right after weighwatchers meeting, so I now have to get weighed in my jeans...which have a 2-3lb weight gain over trousers..

Combining all these reasons, some of which are outwith my control, some of which are completely my own fault, suddenly my gains are not so unexpected, and not so bad.

So with fresh eyes and a clear head I moving into this week as a brand new weight watcher, and on track for the next 12 weeks...because on week 13 I am off to sunny Tunisia!!

I'm tracking everything, and have already discovered I've not been pointing enough milk on a daily basis when I have porridge...I've only been pointing 3 instead of 5...opps! That's 14pps a week I've not been tracking if I have porridge every day (which I don't, but usually 5 days out of 7...)

I'm being proactive with meals again... today I made a 10pp mushroom and bacon risotto for my dinner, and had a cup of soup at 4pm so I wouldn't be starving on route home (which leads to picking).

So today, day 1, is on track. I'm embracing my mistakes and moving forward. I've even forward planned my Chinese on Saturday (special chow mein, 30g of prawn crackers and a large glass of rose wine).

Focused February...so much to tell you, so little time!

Where oh where do I begin...its been so long since I blogged, over a week I think. Some people have been messaging me worried, because I have taken a small (half pound to be precise) knock last week then kind of disappeared, but there is a reason behind this.

Well two actually:

First of all I was on proper disgusting antibiotics for my teeth, which are now finished...although I would like to point out the weeks I do not drink alcohol I tend to put on....just saying!

 

But more importantly is that I have stopped smoking. Went and had my breath test in the pharmacy, which makes me feel very much like an addict, and my Co2 levels have dropped to that of a normal level woop! I'm on week 3, and aside from a wee slip one Friday night I have been smoke free. I am feeling the physical (and financial) difference from stopping! and overall I feel I am coping very well. The only one I really, really, miss is the one after dinner. I do still get that sense of longing after that food doesn't fill. This is when I usually go rooting for my food, and because I have nothing naughty in the house, this usually turns into an extra portion of dinner. I'm trying to curtail this, but not pressuring myself too much. I bough in lots of WWers yogurts and chilled puddings, plus I am going to get some low fat ice cream, to give myself something sweet after dinner which won't destroy my diet, but will keep me satisfied enough to stay off cigs.

The tiny human is very proud of me...

Anyway, in other news. I didn't get weighed this week as I had some sort of fluy/bodyachy/lethargic thing on Tuesday. Manfriend did a very good job of looking after me :) but I was ill. I wasn't good that week either anyways, manfriend and I went to stay with his mother (ooo I need a nickname for her too...) in Morecambe. Tiny human was there too, but LOVES her gran and granddad therefore was happy for Sarah and Daddy to have time on their own! woohoo! We had beautiful tapas on Saturday night...which I pointed (roughly) and was doing well...then we went to a cocktail bar and I kinda lost track. Although the majority of weekend eating was homecooked, there was a lot, and it was white bread/white pasta... so to be truthful, I have no idea how I did that weekend. We did try to counteract some of the damage, went out on the bicycles with tiny human in her carriage at the back (at one point I considered holding onto the back of it haha). Manfriend and I also went bowling (which I consider low impact exercise) but I also had 2 ciders whilst I was there...hmmm...

So anyway in the spirit of FOCUSED FEBRUARY I am back on track for this week and I'll just have to do the best I can do and assess the damage on Tuesday night weigh in!

My final piece of news, and my new motivation, is my HOLIDAY!!!

Manfriend and I are booked for 2 glorious weeks in a 4start premier all inclusive hotel and spa resort in Tunisia...that is the actual resort -------------------->  I cannot (like actually cannot) wait. Manfriend says we are now:

TEAMBEACHBODY.COM

It's all about the exercise (I am frikkin achying...) and staying on track. If I could be 1 stone lighter by my holiday I will be very much over the moon!!!

Starting Weight: 12st 11.5
Weight Now: 12st 6.5
Total Loss: 5lbs
Weeks: 4!

pretty crappy week...but it still doesn't add up...

So I put on 0.5lb...

This week... in one word... has been shit.

I have been on these stupid antibiotics for 4 days. I feel sick, and hungry, all at the same time. The only thing that makes me feel better is to eat...then my mouth gets sore, so I take painkillers...which stops me going to the toilet, which makes me feel even more awful.


Now the thing is I have counted everything this week, I haven't had any alcohol (not allowed) and I have blitzed my daily and weekly points. However...I have also worked my butt off and hardly used any activity points so I although I know I haven't ate very well and I know that I have had more rubbish than usual... I didn't expect the gain and I am a little disappointed.

In more important news...and possibly another reason why I have possibly been a little more piggy than usual is that last Tuesday I started the first quit attempt of 2013...and have been smoke free for 7 whole days. And once again I feel like poo...I'm coughing up junk, I'm moody, easily aggravated (more than usual...) but I am coping. In fact I do feel pretty good in that I haven't really had many cravings.

But on top of this my personal and professional life is all going a bit nuts. I kind of agreed to take on a guide unit, so gave myself LOTS of extra work (although I do love it), certain relationships are straining under January blues and my housework is falling into disarray with busy weekends and exercise evenings.

Work is an actual nightmare...I am buried, literally buried, under paperwork. We're a worker down and my case load has literally increased by 50% absorbing the most complex and overdue cases of the other worker. Sometimes I barely lift my head... and I know that I am beginning to lose things in the day...phone calls I mean to do, e-mails I need to send...

so in a nutshell...life is a bit chaotic.

So I didn't stay for the meeting...I just wanted to be under the duvet on the couch, which is exactly where I am.

But I know this feeling, when things get emotional, and difficult, I want to eat, to comfort myself, to forget.... and I can't do that to myself.

So although I still don't think things have added up this week, I am listening to my body. It clearly did not enjoy the barrage of poor food choices its been hit with this week. So I am going to restrict daily treats to 4pp, and only one weekly treat meal. Its too early in my journey to get knocked off course. So after I finish my blog I am going to do my shopping online, to ensure I can't be tempted, and plan my meals as much as I can for the week.

The only way is up.