But the end is nigh. The Holiday is actually booked. YAY! It is booked 2 weeks earlier than what the original plan was....buggar! So that's two weeks less to try shift some poundage. In fact I go away in just 16 days!! So really I've a fortnight.
I'm not going to lose half a stone in a fortnight. To be honest I am trying to maintain until then.
Thing is I've been on a bit of a downer recently. I am smoking, pretty much all the time again. Which I am really annoyed about and it is having a massive impact on my exercise. I really need to stop before this becomes too ingrained in me once again. My poor mum is back on the fags too, life apparently becomes stressful around the August/September period. Oi!
Addiction is a difficult thing to give up, unfortunately. But good habits like running and exercise and eating well seem to be incredibly easy to drop at a moments notice:
Me to Karen "fancy a run on Wednesday night.....or cinema - Orange Wednesday?"
Karen to Me: "so do you want to see Ted or Brave?"
Thursday night I went to Pole Class, and had a really bad night. First of all I was uber tired. I'm on duty at work this week which is just manic. You work at a rate of 100mph on the quiet weeks, your productivity sores but 300% and I was in bed before 10 almost every night this week as a result. But mostly I was just having one of those days, the old insecurities creeping in, and I couldn't do anything right. I just felt horrible and ungraceful and was pretty much deflated by home time. It was nothing anyone in the class done, simply just my own mind set.
So first of all I text the manfriend, with something along the lines of "I'm fat, horrible and ugly meh meh meh" right? Do you know his reply....NOT "don't be silly you're beautiful!", NOT "call me and we'll chat it out", NEITHER any other form of sympathetic reassurance that I was fishing for. Instead I got "Fucking (yes he F'd at me) Sort Yourself Out, I Never Want to Hear that from you again."
I was livid, and drove home with a face like fizz. I called him and we chatted it out. He reasoned with me, applied logic to my situation and I truly hated him for it. Thing is I know he thinks I am beautiful, I know he thinks I am extremely sexy. Sometimes I don't understand why, but he tells me and shows me all the time.
This got me thinking, so I bbm'd (plug!) my friend Megan (pictured with moi on recent night out). Now Megan is a wonderful person, she's also a member of SFBP aka super fit beautiful people. What I love about Megan is despite being a member of SFBP she is the most modest and down to earth person I know, and she doesn't rub her SFBP membership in your face.
So I bbm'd Megan and asked her how she stays motivated on fat/ugly/Ihatetheworld days (if of course she ever had them). She does apparently, in fact she has them all the time. Here was her reply:
"I remind myself I am fabulous and that the only reason I feel shitty is coz I've probably compared myself to someone else. And then this gives me the motivation to go to the gym for me! And after the gym I feel great, healthier and just better about myself"
I hadn't told Megan at this point I had gave the comparison reason to the manfriend just a short time previous. So when I told Megan the reasons I was annoyed at myself she surprised me with this:
"See just coz I ran a marathon still doesn't mean I can run 5 miles non stop...but I am ok with that coz its the way I do it!"
Sometimes I can't believe the people in my life, completely ordinary people who just continue to amaze me every day. So tonight I did 45 minutes of kettlercise instead of having a Chinese takeaway. Boom!
Oh and we went to see Brave - tres awesome, I would recommend!
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