6 weeks holiday count down..

Yes, its 6 weeks until another beach holiday. A beach I have known that I am going on for almost 12 weeks. And whilst my manfriend turns himself into a Greek god, dropping weight like it was the easiest thing in the world and now moving training onto muscle build...

He is soo going to leave me!

No, he won't really. I've manipulated him enough when he had low self esteem he's infatuated. So I know that I am safe. But, as much as I love the manfriend, and I do, I find myself at times quite angry that he is able to just loss.

Last week at the meetings Christine was talking about saboteurs, and how sometimes we ourselves are saboteurs of other people's healthy changes, sometimes because we feel we are not doing so well, and it kind of makes us feel better. Although this is not a nice thought, I'd put my hand up and say I've done it.

My weight loss is crap, I am not focused on the plan, and despite the manfriend sabotaging my plan every weekend, as I do to his, probably because we want an excuse to blow out, he continues to lose, and I continue to yoyoyoyo.

I have been reasonably good this week. Stayed on filling and healthy plan for pretty much the whole week. But I am not inspired, I am not enjoying it. I cooked two new dishes this week. A Sunday roast (actually manfriend put it in the oven...but I came up with the idea) and made from scratch spaghetti Bolognese with whole meal pasta. I've had porridge, houmous, and very little rubbish (3 mini magnums over two days, and about 10 vodkas over 2 nights...wow I sound like a jake).

But I have tracked, every morsel, every single thing...and yes I went over the 49 weeklies with my treats, but I had enough activity points to still be ok. - we'll see what the scales bring tomorrow.

I don't feel like I am losing weight, I don't really know what to do at all to be honest. I know the exercise is doing me good, and I know I need to step it up a bit. Its so hard working full time, having a full on social schedule, and do exercise over on top. I just feel stuck.

This may not just be a reflection on the diet. I really don't want to feel fat on yet another frikkin holiday. I have 6 weeks and that is enough to effect real change. There is a motivational quote which says "fed up of starting over, stop giving up!" that is my problem. Every week I feel I am saying "opps f'd up this week, but lets start over", "opps another naughty weekend (not in that way - minds oot the gutter please) but its ok Tuesday is a fresh start". Then I look back at the 8 weeks I've been on weight watchers and I haven't even lost my first half stone. That's a weekly loss of under a pound a week. boo.

I am enjoying getting fitter, I am feeling the benefits. Its keeping me off fags too (10 weeks!!). I think I just like food too much....shit!