When something seems too good to be true, it's probably because it is...

Look at my last blog, how happy and excited and nervous I was about cooking and doing energetic things with my partner and his daughter. Unfortunatly yesterday was short lived, and tiny human started to come down with her 4th cold in the last few months.

Tiny human and I have a...tense relationship. There is a lot of things that she does that annoy me. I don't like kids, never have, which is why I am finding this relationship a constant journey of change and experience, and my patience is at time...thin. When she is unwell she is whinny, and I hate myself for saying it, but it drives me utterly insane. Manfriend and I went to bed around 1.30 this morning, and tiny human decided to scream and shout every half an hour for no reason other than attention.

Now I know she is sick, and I felt awful, but the lack of sleep plus my predisposition to hatred of small children meant I became an awful person who screamed at a 3 year old at 3.30 this morning, then at my manfriend. I basically told them to fcuk off!!

I eventually gave up my bed for them both and had about an hours sleep on a blow up bed in the living room. I've been crying all day, and have hardly ate a thing. I am working my way through a bar of galaxy, which I pointed (dedicated if nothing else).

He hasn't called and I have an impending sense of doom. I think I pushed it to far and have a feeling I'll be on the singles market again soon.

I don't know why I am the way I am. I have no patience, and a temper. The two combined does not a good guardian make. I should never have become emotionally involved with this man. It was a one night stand that sucked me in, and the warning signs were there! I had one f**king rule - no guys with kids. No I lie here, frightened to sleep in case I miss the call I know is coming, too proud and vulnerable to call him first, waiting for my heart to be broken.

I genuinely don't know what I'll do with out this man in my life. But I know that he deserves better than me. I love this man with all of my heart and body, which is why I know it has to end, because I am never going to be what he, or his daughter, need.