So I get in after a really difficult day at work (phew don't call it Blue Monday for nothing) to find homemade macaroni cheese ala my uncle. As amazing as it was to have dinner on the table, I saw the blue topped milk out and a large chunk of cheese missing from the fridge (oft!) no idea what's in it, no way to point it! Cherry on the cake of what WAS a 10/10 motivation week.
Amy Whinehouse on without a degree of thought...I a sad (emotionally, not because I am listening to Whinehouse...who is a genius!)
The spark of romance has failed to ignite. Well, failed to ignite by a distinct lack of fuel and attention (texts or calls). Don't get me wrong - he messed up as much as I did last weekend, but since then complete radio silence. No explanation, no conversation, nient! What **** me off most tho, was how he made me feel.
For anyone that read my bloggy blurb in the top right corner will see that my blog is titled after a famous feminist novel. In fact I am feminist! I believe in feminist principals (yet still suffer through diets and disdain!). When this guy did this to me, I felt....inadequate.
Am I too fat? Not pretty enough? Boring? What's wrong with me????
This weightwatcher journey was partially sparked by the break up of my long-term boyfriend (who for the record - loved EVERY inch of me - even at my heaviest!! and I'm not just saying that because he reads my blog) and I was thrust in to the cold, cruel world of dating. Where you are judged on your looks, on the 1st few minutes of a date, on every word, every gesture, on everything! In this every increasingly pejorative society that we inhabit, I find myself back to the uncomfortable position I was in 6 months ago.
I may not weigh 13stone anymore...but I feel like I do....and I hate myself for doing it!
So this weekend, I stayed in. I didn't talk to friends, didn't go out dancing, didn't venture over the door except to the station bar with my Dad to watch the Rangers and up to my Granda's to clean up. And I loved it! I LOVED it! Just me and my parents (and bro), no one to judge, people who loved me, no expectations.
It was a very blue Monday when I had to leave....
Amy Whinehouse on without a degree of thought...I a sad (emotionally, not because I am listening to Whinehouse...who is a genius!)
The spark of romance has failed to ignite. Well, failed to ignite by a distinct lack of fuel and attention (texts or calls). Don't get me wrong - he messed up as much as I did last weekend, but since then complete radio silence. No explanation, no conversation, nient! What **** me off most tho, was how he made me feel.
For anyone that read my bloggy blurb in the top right corner will see that my blog is titled after a famous feminist novel. In fact I am feminist! I believe in feminist principals (yet still suffer through diets and disdain!). When this guy did this to me, I felt....inadequate.
Am I too fat? Not pretty enough? Boring? What's wrong with me????
This weightwatcher journey was partially sparked by the break up of my long-term boyfriend (who for the record - loved EVERY inch of me - even at my heaviest!! and I'm not just saying that because he reads my blog) and I was thrust in to the cold, cruel world of dating. Where you are judged on your looks, on the 1st few minutes of a date, on every word, every gesture, on everything! In this every increasingly pejorative society that we inhabit, I find myself back to the uncomfortable position I was in 6 months ago.
I may not weigh 13stone anymore...but I feel like I do....and I hate myself for doing it!
So this weekend, I stayed in. I didn't talk to friends, didn't go out dancing, didn't venture over the door except to the station bar with my Dad to watch the Rangers and up to my Granda's to clean up. And I loved it! I LOVED it! Just me and my parents (and bro), no one to judge, people who loved me, no expectations.
It was a very blue Monday when I had to leave....
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